He tells her she's nothing, and its that she believes. But she stays with him because she knows what'll happen if she leaves. She'll be alone like he said she would be, "no one will ever love you like me." She thinks that is reason enough to stay but it's her only reason to settle, and it wears her down like acid on metal. She's so beautiful but he never tells her that, instead her calls her ugly and then he calls her fat. He makes her hate herself to assure her that he is the best she can get, and after years of being treated unworthy, her worth she will soon forget. And when he puts his hands on her, he tells her he does it because his feelings are so strong. So she twists it in her mind that it's right if he is wrong. He often loses his temper and he has lost her trust, but he always begs for it back because he says he needs it that much. He doesn't need her trust though, he only needs control, he is filming a movie of her torture and he is playing the main role. He is able to manipulate her because he has trained her as so, she cant hate the only love that he taught her to know. She hates him when be beats her up, she goes to her bed and cries, but then she thinks it love because of the sunglasses for her he goes and buys. He is the problem, he is the solution, he is her enemy and her knight in shining armor. He will do anything to protect her even though he's the one to harm her. She knew she was trapped but the escape was nowhere near, because living without anyone is worse than living with someone in fear. Sure he made her cry, but he was there to wipe the tears away, and with no one else there to tell her she needed bim to tell her it's okay. But it's not okay, its not alright, and she needs to understand, that how much she loves herself is more important than the love of a man. One day she grabbed a suitcase and packed in her room as she cried, she knew she had to leave this time compared to all the past times she had tried. But this time it was different she had a bigger reason to go, and she looked in the mirror and kept repeating "no." She was practicing a word she had never had the courage to speak, and she felt strong all of a sudden after for so long being weak. He was at work while she packed and she was finally done, so many times she had stood in that doorway but was too afraid to run. But this time she knew she was leaving and she choked back her tears, as she stood in the same doorway that she tried walking out for years. She left the sunglasses he bought her on the table because she didn't need them anymore. And she never looked back after she slammed that heavy door. As weeks passed, she became so strong. Just now embracing strength she had all along. She stayed at her mothers and her mother asked what finally made u leave him hunny? I am here for you, you can stay here however long you need, you can borrow any money. She smiled at her mother and knew at that moment what she did was right, and everything was clear like the difference between day and night. She told her mother that she loved her so much for the unconditional love and for never hurting her like he did, and her mother said i could never hurt you, i love you, you are my kid. She told her a mothers love is stronger than any evil force, and it will never go away because it can never go off course. She smiled at her mother and said i love for loving me, and that is why i left because a mom i soon will be. She rubbed her stomach and said mom i'm pregnant, and my baby will never live in the world I did, and he could beat me but he will never touch my kid. She never told him she was pregnant and he will never know, and he can beat himself up now because a punch at her we will never throw. Sometimes it takes something bigger than us to walk away and be strong, something to bring out the strength we learn we had all along.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month so please spread the word. Every voice matters. Including yours.
No comments:
Post a Comment