If you need someone to wish you a Merry Christmas

Years ago I began this annual Christmas letter with just a piece of paper and a pen, a 23-year old college graduate now but a 12-year-old little girl back then.

And much has changed and happened, for I have outgrown that little girl, I’ve seen and done and loved and learned, I’ve stepped more into the world.

My first letter was in the early 2000’s, a time before reality TV shows and crazy fast internet connection, a time before GPS and the much loved Iphone invention.

When I wrote my first Christmas letter, I was struggling in math with long division, now as I write this, I am juggling how to fulfill my dreams I envision.

And we are all at different parts in our lives now, not just from each other, but from ourselves, because we all grow up eventually, we never stay twelve.

But wherever you are in your life, I ask you now to embrace that place and be thankful for wherever that may be, whether it is becoming a first time parent, retiring or finally earning that college degree.

Embrace your place and love your life, and be thankful for each day when you lay down each night.

And recognize that just as much as we have changed, certain parts of us will remain unchanged, because a decade may change technology but a heart can never change.

I hope throughout the years my Christmas letters have found way into your heart and maybe even one has even left you smitten, because not one that you have received was not thought of you all when it was written.

This letter I decided against my usual theme, I decided against my annual Christmas advice, I don’t need to tell anyone how to spend their Christmas, it’s their way and that makes it right.

Christmas is not about trying to be something or trying not to be, it has never been about Santa or gifts under the tree.

Christmas is about this letter, about us, about the people we love and hold dear, so I will not tell you how to spend your Christmas this year.

Instead I just extend my love to you all, and I scream it and I shout, Because after all, that is all Christmas is about.

Telling people you love them, showing them how much you care, spending time with your loved ones and being happy you are there.

We never needed snow or giant Christmas trees, and I know you all know that that has never mattered, the only things we have ever needed are each other, love and laughter.

When I was 12 years old my mom suggested I write a Christmas letter and over a decade has passed and it has not failed, right before the holidays you get my letter in the mail.

For years I have written in these letters that presents are not important, but some are, and here it is. If I have given any of you joy, love, or laughter throughout the years, then this present is important to give.

And as much as I wanted to stray away from advice, I have one little thing to note, writing these letters these past years to you all was the best thing I ever wrote.

So however YOU can express your love this Christmas do it, maybe even start your own letter, because when you give your best it always is your better.

I now pass you the pen and the paper, and I encourage you all to find what is inside you and may that be your gift, because Christmas is about what you give and that’s all it ever is.

Times have changed and we each have grown and I am not that little girl I once was, but no passing of time could ever change each letter I sent with love.

So if you toss these aside, or if you keep them in your Christmas card box to save, please know giving you all love throughout these years was the best gift I ever gave.

Christmas is about touching lives, loving people and helping others by offering the love you have in yourself, so I choose to wish the same meaningful Merry Christmas, the same one since I was 12.

If you lost someone you loved...

I am not going to stand up here and say what a great man my grandpa was, for we already know his greatness because he shared it with each of us.

A man of his caliber cannot be given justice in words, and neither can words give justice to the pain in our heart that hurts.

Now to me he was grandpa but to you he may have been something different, but to each its’ own, we all simply will miss him.

And although sadness is unavoidable, we must find happiness in the time, the time we had with him so celebration we can find.

And we have much to celebrate, so let us start his celebration of life, because even though he is absent in body, his soul is alive.

And it is alive in each of us, it is embedded in the stories he told us that we will go on to tell, embedded in the memories we have of him that we have come to know so well.

He lives on through the lives of us, the people here today, so even though he is absent in body, he in our hearts will stay.

And we should all be rest assured that he is now in the company of the divine, telling God the same stories we wish we could hear just one more time.

As people we often overlook the little things, the moments that at the time seem so small, but when we no longer have the luxury of reliving them, we realize how much they mattered after all.

As this is a celebration of life, may those moments be thought of now and embraced, and may they like my grandpa, never be replaced.

As we continue on, we take him with us wherever we are, because absence is irrelevant when it comes to what is in our heart.

We did not lose a person, we simply gained an angel and that is worth celebration, and he would want us to remember him with love and elation.

So wherever we go, we take him with, and every memory we will miss.

As our guardian angel, we embrace his new life up above, and we gathered here today to tell him how much he is loved.

For 88 years my grandpa lived in body but through soul he never dies, living on in his loved ones like my dad who has his eyes.

We cannot be angry with God because he needed him in heaven for reasons of his own, and grandpa is resting in peace, he has finally been called home.

May we not dismiss our grief, but not let it overshadow the luck we had, to be graced with a presence we will miss so very bad.

In the end, he will never be forgotten as long as we remember, and so we celebrate his life in us forever.

Our new angel, look over us, and live inside our heart, so even when we miss you, it’s not because we are apart.

If you need to be empowered...

I have a voice and I speak without permission, I talk for myself, whether or not you listen. I will not be submissive, I will not be silent, I remain strong, I am defiant. I have more than power, I have ability to invest it in others, I spark the power that inequality smothers. I am a firm believer in voice, that's why I speak so loud, I am not limited because there is nothing I am not allowed. I am little in some perspectives, but big in impact, I've gained more than all you claim I lack. I believe in belief, I dwell in things I still have yet to see, believing in all things because all things have possibility. I announce my worth and I know it exists, I am a woman and I have no limits. Within me, I find power and without power, I find sorrow, I speak for yesterday and today and the betterment of tomorrow. I know that what I do leaves trails that will be followed, not to be chewed up and spit out but digested and swallowed. I am not to be brought down, I constantly have a ladder, and often I climb up it when you tell me I don't matter. I know I do, and I know you do too, and as I find power in myself, I instill power in you. If anyone ever tells you "no," remember that doesn't make them right, human nature created difference, which created a privilege to fight. To fight for what we believe in, what we want and what we need, I don't fight for conflict, I fight for you and me. I have a mind, a heart and a brain, I AM someone because I have a name. I will not be shoved aside, I will not lose my voice, I was given my circumstances, but I was also given choice. And today I choose power, today I choose to share it with the world, for the man who lost his job, for the bruises on the arm of the little girl. What good is power if it is not used to power other people as well, that's like having a story but you have no one to tell. I am capable of everything and so I will fight for everyone's right to believe it, because everyone has power and I choose to use mine to help you achieve it. I stand next to you, never better or taller or in front or in back, we are all equal as people and I will forever stand up for that. We all have wings, but sometimes we just don't know how to fly, but with the help of others, we have faith enough to try. So try, so live, so be wild and free, shout your worth, your name, shout it for you and me. Scream for those women who are silenced by fear, for those children who suffer because "I love you" they never hear. Scream for people who have been neglected, for men at war who risk their lives, shout because you can, shout because you are alive! Don't be afraid of your power and don't hesitate to spread it, people find power in your words solely because you said it. Don't be silenced, don't let your light burn out, you have the power to empower, so empower life out loud. The only little thing about empowerment is the time it takes to do it, so use your power for good so that others, too, can use it. You can make a difference, the power within you will be heard, with every action, every choice, with every word. And remember everything you do can help someone else, because it is impossible to not empower others when you empower yourself.

If he has ever hurt you...

He tells her she's nothing, and its that she believes. But she stays with him because she knows what'll happen if she leaves. She'll be alone like he said she would be, "no one will ever love you like me." She thinks that is reason enough to stay but it's her only reason to settle, and it wears her down like acid on metal. She's so beautiful but he never tells her that, instead her calls her ugly and then he calls her fat. He makes her hate herself to assure her that he is the best she can get, and after years of being treated unworthy, her worth she will soon forget. And when he puts his hands on her, he tells her he does it because his feelings are so strong. So she twists it in her mind that it's right if he is wrong. He often loses his temper and he has lost her trust, but he always begs for it back because he says he needs it that much. He doesn't need her trust though, he only needs control, he is filming a movie of her torture and he is playing the main role. He is able to manipulate her because he has trained her as so, she cant hate the only love that he taught her to know. She hates him when be beats her up, she goes to her bed and cries, but then she thinks it love because of the sunglasses for her he goes and buys. He is the problem, he is the solution, he is her enemy and her knight in shining armor. He will do anything to protect her even though he's the one to harm her. She knew she was trapped but the escape was nowhere near, because living without anyone is worse than living with someone in fear. Sure he made her cry, but he was there to wipe the tears away, and with no one else there to tell her she needed bim to tell her it's okay. But it's not okay, its not alright, and she needs to understand, that how much she loves herself is more important than the love of a man. One day she grabbed a suitcase and packed in her room as she cried, she knew she had to leave this time compared to all the past times she had tried. But this time it was different she had a bigger reason to go, and she looked in the mirror and kept repeating "no." She was practicing a word she had never had the courage to speak, and she felt strong all of a sudden after for so long being weak. He was at work while she packed and she was finally done, so many times she had stood in that doorway but was too afraid to run. But this time she knew she was leaving and she choked back her tears, as she stood in the same doorway that she tried walking out for years. She left the sunglasses he bought her on the table because she didn't need them anymore. And she never looked back after she slammed that heavy door. As weeks passed, she became so strong. Just now embracing strength she had all along. She stayed at her mothers and her mother asked what finally made u leave him hunny? I am here for you, you can stay here however long you need, you can borrow any money. She smiled at her mother and knew at that moment what she did was right, and everything was clear like the difference between day and night. She told her mother that she loved her so much for the unconditional love and for never hurting her like he did, and her mother said i could never hurt you, i love you, you are my kid. She told her a mothers love is stronger than any evil force, and it will never go away because it can never go off course. She smiled at her mother and said i love for loving me, and that is why i left because a mom i soon will be. She rubbed her stomach and said mom i'm pregnant, and my baby will never live in the world I did, and he could beat me but he will never touch my kid. She never told him she was pregnant and he will never know, and he can beat himself up now because a punch at her we will never throw. Sometimes it takes something bigger than us to walk away and be strong, something to bring out the strength we learn we had all along.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month so please spread the word. Every voice matters. Including yours.

If you are searching for your worth....

You cannot base your life on earnings; life is worth more than anything you could earn.You cannot base your life on what you think you know; because life can never be learned.
You cannot base your life on "what if's" or "what could be's", you cannot base your life what you eyes choose to see.
Life is bigger than anything we can conceive in our head, and you can only have life when you live, you can't live when you're dead.
So my question I ponder, my question I ask, why do we take advantage of a life that can be taken from us so fast?
Why do we let money consume us, why do we get mad at the little stuff? When did a beautiful life stop being good enough?
We are blinded by flashy things, they distort our eyes, they fill our lives with their promised lies.
We care more about our bank account statements than the statements we make, we no longer pride ourselves on what we give, but more so what we take.
So how do you measure your worth, how do you measure your place on this earth?
Are you measured by your talents, or your lack of, are you worthy because of your ambitions, or none of the above?
Are you defined by how others define you, are you measured by what you can and can't do?
Life is not a race, there is no trophy that gets handed to us if we win, because life doesn't reward 1st or 2nd place, life rewards us from within.
How do we base our lives, how do we base ourselves? are we just people in picture frames that sit on shelves?
Are we famous singers, or average joes, are we people who got to the top by stepping on others toes?
Are we so scared that we won't make it that we forget we will, are we so focused on getting to the top that we never appreciate the climb of the hill?
Life is not measured by anything, but only by what we make it, life is given to us for a reason, so why don't we take it?
Life is not a cake walk, but life is also not be diminished, so do what you say and start what you finish.
Be who you are and be proud, announce your passion and announce in loud.
Don't measure your life on burdens, don't belittle the gift you have everyday, because without life there wouldn't even be burdens for you to say.
If you are tired of feeling upset, be thankful you still are able to feel, because pain is temporary and it reminds us that we are real.
Life is not a puzzle that you have to solve, life is not a lesson that you have to learn, life is not about what you have or what you are gonna earn.
How do you measure a life? I cannot answer that question, no matter how much I write, no matter how much reflection.
Nobody can determine their purpose, because we all have the same worth, we are all meant to be here and we have since birth.
We came into this world to not be measured, but to go beyond measure, we were given something precious, that's why they call life a treasure.
So don't be consumed on making it, on figuring out what you have to do, because your life is worth living, your worth is being you.
you may be piss drunk, pissed off, or piss poor, you may own property, own someone's heart, or just own a store.
You may be sad or you may make other's sad, you may be mad or you may make other's mad.
You may travel the world but never really understand what it means, or you may never leave your town and envision in the world in your dreams.
There is no ruler in life, no, life cannot be defined, because time cannot be tracked if you run out of time.
The beauty in life lies in the unknown, so venture and you will find, that you are not a measurement of a human being because you can never be defined.
That is life, that is all it has to be, will you blinded by distraction or will you see?
We will never know the extent of life until we don't have it, and after we don't, we won't be able to grab it.
So stop worrying about if you will be successful, just trust that you are already are, because if you weren't worth it, you wouldn't have gotten this far.
Ambitions are beautiful, and dreams we should possess, but don't measure yourself against them and deem yourself anything less.
So now, how do you measure your life? By first place ribbons and big wins? Or do you not measure, but appreciate the worth you possess within.
Be bold and be beautiful, be daring and be real, be soft in your words and be open to feel.
Be happy with your life because we only get one, and we will never be able to fully appreciate it until it is done.
You are not a measurement, you are not found on a richter scale, you are not deemed by a success or by a fail.
The problem with rulers is that they all have ends, and as do we, but our measurement still continues even when we leave.
Our lives are entangled in the others we have met, people's memories keep us alive, but rulers, they forget.
Your worth is not measurable, because your worth never ends, it is embedded in the lives of others, your family and your friends.
One day we will not be here, but we will never disapear, because we leave trials in others from when we were here.
It is now I ask you all to celebrate your life and to embrace it and smile, you are worth your life, that is why they say life is worthwhile.

If you are ready to let go of ignorance...

its ironic how moronic, its rude how crude, how people can be. its funny how blinded we are, when we are blessed enough to see. 
its ridiculous how vicious some can become, how far we are to where we came from. 
its repulsive how impulsive we are to judge others, even our own sisters and our own brothers. 
you throw around words as if they dont matter, u form the cracks of the lives u shatter. 
i do not know everything, but i know enough. picking on someone else will never make u tough.
r u that insecure with ur own life, to demean another life? are u really so quick to cut someone with ur judgemental knife? 
its apparent how transparent how mistaken u appear, how u scare someone when u really are the one in fear. 
u treat people like doormats, u walk on their souls. it echoes like church bells, and will make u pay like highway tolls. 
last time i checked noone died and made u king, last time i knew u didnt know much of anything.
u have the balls to say the worst things, but balls dont make u strong. speaking ur mind isnt courgeaous when what u speak is wrong. 
u mutter words like "faget", u depict a sad reality. a sad excuse for a loving person is what u appear to be. 
ur heart is cold like the words u say, and ur illogic has made u think this way. 
its scary just how very, sick and twisted u could think, u demean people as effortlessly as u blink. 
people like u are the reasons why racism exists, cuz in the fight for universal peace, u are always the first to raise your fists.
u beat on someone, like they are cancer and u are defending ur health. but note, u cant make someone bleed without getting blood on urself. 
in a world where much is broken, where too much or enough is spoken, 
where pain is quicker than the heal, where ignorance has replaced what is real, we longer feel the way we should because we do not love the way we could. but if we would, we would open eyes, finally realize, end the lies, stop the cries, perfect success from tries, and be alive.. 
we could see, that when u hate on him or her or me, u are hating on yourself, a hater u will see. 
u bash on races and certain faces, u call out names and assign blames, 
u throw people under a bus that u arent even drving. u come to the conclusion before even arriving. 
its awaring how ur preparing to be so mean, ur blinded by ur vision that predetermines what uve seen.
u stereotype me because i have a dot on my forehead, u suck the life out of me and i am not even dead. 
the picture is so much bigger, but u still call her a "nigger" and if shes white and acts like one u call her a "wigger"
u rationalize that rappers throw around the word, but that doesnt rationalize any less hurt. lil wayne could say "nigga" every other word, but its not important what he will or wont do, cuz if lil wayne jumped off a bridge would u jump too?
it doesnt matter if rappers can say it or if people call themselves whatever. rain can call itself rain, but that doesnt make it good weather. 
u are so persistent on being consistent on labeling the ppl around u, but ur the first to lose in hide and seek, because u cant hide whats found in you. 
u throw around words, like words have no meaning, u even deamean the meaning of demeaning. 
nobody deserves to be treated less, because no body is best, and if u believe u are then u dont know the rest, so here i protest ur stupidity, i contest because i must confess... 
this life is too wonderful to be clouded with hate, our world is too beautiful to be destined to a sick fate. 
ur time spent on earth shouldnt be wasted, but be spent and appreciated.. cuz the only wasted life is one where u hated. 
u can call me crazy, we know ur so quick to call, every day u say a list of names like u are a professor of ignorance taking role call. 
but what do u call yourself? what do u answer to? u dont like a black person because of how they act but what do u do? 
u demean people, u hurt people u treat them like scum, u judge someone because of where they are from,
u make ppl cry, u add to the ignorance u deny, u cripple the wings of equality that people need to fly. 
u are judgmental and rude, sterotypical and crude. 
see just like u i can throw around names, i can call u this and that, i can assign u all the blame.
i can attack u and call u stupid, and doesnt that make u mad? i dont even know u but i label u so bad? 
all i know is that u say hurtful words, i dont know who u enough to call u a fool or label u cruel. 
so now do u see, i labeled u so us stop labeling him her or me.
u dont know people, so dont call them "niggers"and "spics", u dont know one thing about them so dont label them so quick. 
u get mad when i call u a racist, yet being racist is exactly what ur getting mad for. u argue i dont know u enough to call u racist and i argue the same thing for sure. 
u dont know the people that u name call, just like i dont know u. so how can u get mad for being poorly judged by exactly what u do? 
so now that u have been insulted so now that u have been attacked, so now that uve gotten some of ur karma back. 
ask urself, how does it feel to be demeaned and subjected to a word, how does it feel to be the one thats hurt?
u are so quick to throw thorns at others because u believe u can... but remember u cant throw thorns at someone without cutting your own hand.

if you KNOW you are more than just a word...

a dictionary is filled with words, thousands from A to Z, we know the exact definition of definition, the root word for humanity.
these words become our guides and we memorize them as so, they inhabit their definition and that becomes what we know.
when we are young we learn our ABC's so we can put the pieces together, we are able to form a word because we can recognize a letter.
a dictionary is filled with words, thousands from A to Z, and it can define every word, but it cannot define you or me.
we are more than words, our definitions vary and conflict, we are not stuck to a definition that Webster happened to pick.
see we define ourselves, we have personal definition, we are not singular in meaning because we are varied in vision.
words may be used to describe me, but they do not define who i am, i may sit in the sun but that does not make me tan.
in our lives we take on roles, we evolve and transition, ive been this and that, ive fit many words for exactly their definition.
see life is not a dictionary, life can teach you lessons, it is more than your ABC's because life is more than a sentence.
but why do we use words to hurt people, to define them as a word, why do we say things that we know will make someone hurt?
no longer are we people, no we are now something much more scary, we are just words without meaning and life is a dictionary.
if only we could stop it, if only we could relearn our ABC's, if only we could go back to kindergarden where we learned words like "please".
well time travel isnt possible, but life style changes we can do, we can redefine our words, we can be brand new.
you are not a racial slur, or a slang term people use, you are a beautiful person who has been a victim of abuse.
you are not a dirty joke or a "slut" because of a mistake you made, you are someone who was tortured by a definition of a name.
you are not a "spic" or "nigger", a jew or a bad mother, you are not a juvenile delinquent, you are not a bad example for a brother.
you are not a poor person, when they joke you don't have a pot to piss in, because they are the real joke with a heart to cold to listen.
words, they really can get your mind going, and they can hurt others so easily without you ever knowing.
if a boy likes another boy, why do they feel the need to label him so bad, hes a teacher and a son but you only call him "fag".
words elicit power, but they only can when they are spoken, so choose your words wisely because they are your token.
people are not words, they cannot be found in dictionaries, because unlike a definition, every meaning varies.
so before you choose your words, think of what they mean, a woman in a short skirt is a "slut" but is that all she is being?
is she not someones friend, someones daughter, a doctor, or someones wife, how can you use a word to define someones life?
words will continue to exist, but i hope you use compassion and kind words, i hope you dont chose a word that will make someone hurt.
if you have to, relearn your ABC's, redefine yourself, open up the dictionary in your heart and not the Webster on the shelf.
people are not definitions, people are human beings who easily can get hurt, so do not label me with a definition, i am not a word.

if someone inspires you & always has...

i remember being young & i remember wearing your football jersey with "kendall" on the back, i had the coolest older brother & i regarded that as fact. but i no longer wear your jersey, i no longer attend middle school, but given the opportunity to wear it, i'd still probably that think i was cool. you have succeeded in so many things and yet you are so humble in your success, and you've given t...he world so much because you have always given your best. i remember you as a teenager, but now i can only see you as a man, and through your journey i have remained inspired, i have always been your fan. i may not tell you a lot, but when i do - i hope you know i mean it, you have taught me to chase after what you want, & not just sit and dream it. you are quiet in your character, but that speaks louder than any obnoxious person i have met, & you may be shy in your presence, but it is one no one can forget. you possess passion & drive, you have since your youth, and you never changed who you were, you've always stayed true to your truth. i am proud to be your sister & i am proud to call you my brother, & through everything and anything, i would never ask for another. you will continue to touch the lives of your students, and anyone else's company you shall find, because not everyone has a brother like you & i am so glad that you are mine. happy birthday d, may today be perfect and may it bring happy celebration, you are forever my big bro & forever my inspiration. i hope your day is special & that you have countless birthdays left, & may it be just like you, something impossible to forget. no longer are we children, no we are not the little kids we used to be, but the inspiration you've embedded in my childhood, lives on in the adult in me. in a world where things go wrong, i rest assured the world has done one thing right, YOU were born into it, and today, we celebrate your life.

if you need to take your own advice...

people are so ironic. They are so quick to defend people, but not to defend rights.
It is harder to maintain peace but easier to start fights.
People can't practice what they themselves ALWAYS preach.
They can't learn from others what to others they teach.
They get mad at the same shit they themselves do.
Can't point the finger back but so easy to point it at you.
And it's always funny until it happens to them.
Easy to criticize others, but yourself, it is too hard to condemn.
It's easy to talk to someone and to give them advice.
But it's advice you yourself can't follow when it comes to your own life.
So ask yourself, evaluate, and look in the mirror.
Cause what you hate in others is what in yourself you fear.
Before you jump the gun- think of what you are jumping.
Before you confront- think of what you are confronting.
Why would what you say be followed if you can't follow it yourself?
It's like claiming money insignifgant when all you value is your wealth.
You're SO quick to press onto others, but hold back for your own sake.
Your advice is invalid until it's something YOU yourself can take.

if you wish to be the change you seek in the world..

People shudder at the American death causality of the war in Iraq, yet they are not registered to vote. Walking down the street and seeing a middle-eastern person puts most on edge, because they have to have a bomb in their shoe. We stereotype middle easterners all to be these villainous creatures, but we don’t even know who or what we are stereotyping. In other countries, children are taught by the age of 5 how to kill others, how they must obey their leaders or they will not go to heaven. So when we categorize them as monsters, we don’t even take into account how they were raised. Killing people in America is seen as immoral and hanus but killing people in Afghanistan is seen as noble and obedient. To take in the account of how other people live is something we rarely do. We as a country waste so much food without even thinking of the people starving half way across the world. We can go to a pump and get gas in a matter of minutes. We can get food even faster. Our whole way of life is reflected by how we live our life. Today’s world is based on what we choose to do, what we choose to say and how we choose to live. Some people judge others not on the values a person has, but what the person values. Materials are blinding and expensive, but we continue to become absorbed in them. We spend money, not time. People are categorized by wealth status and social class, not by the people they actually are. Our world today is black and white. Wrong and right. Smart and dumb. There are no gray areas in the eyes of people. You do something, because you do it. People don’t rationalize with motives or past experiences that cause others to do what they do, instead people just judge on the fact that they did it. Womens’ rights’ has been established for quite some time now, but still women fight for their identity. Today a female would be considered outrageous to coach the game of football. The proposal of a woman president to many was seen as absurd and unethical. Men are not kindergarten teachers, because men are sex offenders. Women are emotional, they bare children. Boys wear blue, girls wear pink. Don’t play with dolls or cry boys, because if you do, you are gay. And God forbid the gay community got any bigger. Marriage is expected and accepted, but marrying the one you love isn’t. If a woman loved another woman, they could not spend their lives together. Our society is meant to accept. Yet people are constantly rejected. We are given freedoms in the constitution to live the way we want, yet when we act upon our alienable rights, we are punished for doing so. Teenagers are getting pregnant and having abortions at an early enough age where they can’t even spell abortion. Everyday people die, and not just from cancer or old age, but from drugs, drinking, and suicide. Our society is drowned by alcohol. Drunk drivers kill people everyday. They take the lives of innocent people. Yet those people who commit the crimes, we pay for. Our tax dollars go to criminals so they can eat, they can watch TV, so they can have privlidges. Our media is flourished with pictures of good stars gone bad. Haircuts gone hideous. Being skinny is more important than being healthy. We can ban cigarettes from public places, but we can’t ban discrimation from the public. Our world is at a turning point, a new course of action as we are determining our president. Yet people today know more of what Britney Spears is doing rather than where our country is headed. STD’s and sex are talked about in schools but the same schools are also giving out condoms. Safe or not safe, condoms promote sex. Children obesity is a huge epidemic in today’s world, but still McDonald’s and Burger King out number work out facilities and gyms by the thousands. Some of the highest paid people in today’s world are getting paid to criticize our society. Artists who rap using deragatorgy terms and scrutinizing females, promoting drug use and singling out gender, race and sex orientation. And to wonder why there is still discrimination in the world. Because it is still being used. It is a constant hypocritical example of how we live. America wants peace, so we bomb. Someone with a turban on their head is a terrorist. You didn’t go to college? You’re a low life. Our houses are getting bigger, but our mentality is getting smaller. Those people don’t have a lot money, those people do, those people are cheap. Don’t do that and don’t say that because they might get mad. As a whole, we complain, but we don’t act upon it. We sit on our ass and talk until we are blue in the face, but we never think to get up and do something. Taking the words from Ghandi, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” But why would we look to Ghandi, when we have Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton parading around as prestigious role models? The people we want to be like are weighing 90 pounds, singing about having sex and sleeping around with half the Hollywood population. Most do not look up to senators invoking positive change, social activists, or historical and religious figures. We know more about what our favorite celebrity is debating to wear to the VMA’s, than what is being debated in foreign affairs. Public school or private? Khols or Dior? Rich or poor? These are no longer just questions, they are guidelines for judgement. Everyone points their fingers and criticizes, but ironically enough they never even wash their own hands. So to whom do we owe this pleasure? To our government for allowing it, to yourselves for allowing it, or to ourselves for allowing the government to allow it? In this world there is nothing certain. Everyday it changes. You can talk on the internet to people ½ way around the world, but you can’t talk to your next door neighbor. Crimes and heart ache, ignorance and tolerance, we are all victims of it. So we must act upon it. Leave no voice unheard, create, debate, involve, inspire and relate to people. Find common grounds. Don’t judge others because when you do that, you are really only judging yourself. Embrace, don’t downplay diversity; learn from people who haven’t learned like you have. America is a melting pot, but it has yet to be melted. We constantly live in fear of what might happen in today’s crazy world, so yes, we must be cautious, but not scared of our own shadow. We hear of husbands and wives divorcing faster than marriage. It is seen as socially acceptable to continue to divorce after taking peoples words: their wedding vows. But what is someones’ word today anyways? Maybe we shouldn’t be so open and lend out our heart, but we should still let it be attainable. We hold on to regret like a life preserver, when in reality it’s the regret that makes us drown. We have to let go of it, burdens should be placed in the past, not on our shoulders. Failure should be inspiring, not discouraging. The world is a canvas, draw on it. Face the world, don’t hide from it. Be a better person by making people better people. Cry if you are sad, smile if you are happy. Don’t become bitter, become better. Don’t let children go down paths they should not, for those children will one day be our future. Make it known who you care about. Trust those who are trustworthy, not just the people you want to trust. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt or taking chances. Rules were made to be broken, and chances were made to be taken. Take criticisim, embrace it and then throw it away. Don’t dwell on the past, or worry about the future. Life is now. Leave judgment at the door, walk with two feet and surround yourself with people you like. In this world you are not here to make anyone happy, but you can certainly try. Do good even if it goes without notice. Attempt to the change the world. Don’t think you can’t. One action, one single thing can solely change minds’ of other people. People in history who have made trademarks probably didn’t think either that their first step would lead to miles of a changed world. But they stepped anyway. So who is to be the judge of one person not being able to change the world? Historic figures sacrificed their freedoms, their reputations, their lives to make a difference. They believed enough in themselves and their beliefs to go to the worlds’ end to enlighten. God gave you a voice for a reason. Let the world lie at your feet, let people become inspired by you. And as long as there are supporters, there will be criticizsers. But don’t neglect what your opponents have to say. God also gave you ears. Take in others perspectives, that is the best way to create your own. Never think for one second that you can’t make a difference. The flap of a butterflies wing can cause a hurricane half way across the world; and the courage and thought of one human being can change the world. So maybe we should take that step. We can make a difference in the world. And just by trying to make that difference, we will certainly find the difference in ourselves.

If you are lacking passion in your work; in your life...

You go to work everyday, you do whatever your job may require.

Filing papers, treating patients, writing books, or putting out a fire.

We fufil our obligations as doctors, librarians, social workers and teachers.

We practice our social skills when we are in sales and we practice our sermons when we are preachers.

We take all the steps of preparation to meet the demands of what our job may require.

Lesson plans, schooling, casework – but what about the demand of desire?

It seems as though we work to complete a task, we do that to complete this.

We work to accomplish a result, but we no longer work for a purpose.

Having a job is practically mandatory, having a source of income is what we need.

Getting by Monday through Friday 9-5 is the precedent that into, we feed.

We no longer work for causes, they are now replaced by companies.

There is less work found in environment awareness, and more work for cutting down trees.

We work for money, and money works for itself.

We work for benefits of our retirement fund, not benefits for our self.

We wake up every morning, but we don’t even care about where we are going.

We rip movie tickets in long lines at the theaters, but we don’t even know the movies we are showing.

In today’s world, a job is good because of its hours, its vacation time, its pay.

A job is no longer good based on how it makes us feel at the end of the day.

I have met people who just go through the motions, clock in on a machine that documents the hours 9-5.

But what we fail to recognize is we are clocking into a machine that documents are lives.

What we do on this earth is not measured by the money we receive or the taxes we pay into.

It is not measured by the companies paid vacations and from all the work-related places we have been to.

In today’s world, we strive to make a life for ourselves, but we struggle to maintain a living.

We want to take from everyone when we are on the bottom, and when we get to the top, we are not giving.

What happened to passion, what happened to playing basketball because of how happy it made you feel?

Since when is passion replaced with a contract, with a 50 million dollar contract deal?

When we were little children, we dreamed of becoming somebody, not being an occupation on a list.

When we were little children, we never dreamed of this.

We dreamt of our passion, what made us feel alive inside.

We dreamt of being someone, we longed for that pride.

One day you will look back on your past, what do you want to see?

A meaningless workweek 9-5, or the person you were destined to be?

Work without passion is like a movie without sound.

It gives you images of your life, but the meaning can’t be found.

Find what you love, and you will find what you are destined to do.

Follow your passion in your heart, and you will find… you.

Don’t go through the motions, don’t clock in to a machine that records your days.

Don’t say yes to a job offer because of how much it pays.

Listen to your calling, find something that you are meant to do.

Change the lives of others, and life will change for you.

If you wake up with passion, keep it with you all day.

Because following your dream is more than any paycheck can pay.

Doing what you believe is right for you, is better than any company’s benefit.

Paid vacations can bring you places, but happiness – it can’t bring it.

And if you think it’s too late to follow your passion, it’s not, so stop stalling.

You don’t have to search your life for meaning, you just have to find your calling.

Without passion, comes no reason for motivation, comes no validation for what you do.

Because when you deny the world your calling, you’re denying the world, you.

So every morning you wake up, give the world what you were made to give.

It’s when you live your life with passion, that you really live.

If the holidays passed by too soon...

I wrote to you when I was small, I wrote to you every year. During a time when the letter getting lost in the mail, was undoubtedly my biggest fear. I asked you for bikes and barbie’s, to fill my stocking with delicious sweets. But since then I have grown up, and I long for more than fun toys and treats. This year, I ask you for things that cannot fill a stocking – that cannot fit under a tree. This year I simply ask for others, I no longer ask for me. I hope you read my letter, Santa, in fact, I plead and insist. This one I promise is worth reading, it’s my grown up Christmas list.

1. I ask first for Christmas joy, for those who don’t celebrate it and for those who do. I ask they celebrate it the right way, the way it is intended to. I ask that gifts are given from the heart, and all around the world you can hear the giggle of a kid.  And their faces light up as they rip through the wrapping paper – they way you made mine did.

2. I ask for unconditional love, for people to remember that nothing can break true love. I ask that people can lovewith all their heart, and feel it from up above.  I ask that homes don’t get broken, and loved ones don’t separate. I ask for everyone to feel love this Christmas, and for every day after we celebrate.
3. I ask for respect, for others to not belittle each other. I ask for each child to have once experienced the unfathomable love of a mother. I ask that people treat others the right way, and the wrong way leads them astray. I ask that nobody goes unrecognized, and everyone feels special once a day.

4. I ask for compassion, I ask for people to do things from the heart. I ask for distance to diminish and for nothing good to fall apart. I ask for dreams to remain big and for no child to think there is something they can’t do. I ask that reality still seems magical, like the days I believed in you.

5. I ask for people to be safe, and to be treated right. I ask that each person be able to experience this beautiful thing called life. I ask for anyone who hinders this to be corrected and made aware, that hearts were not made to break – they were made to care.

6. I ask for all the people in this world who struggle everyday for shelter, for food, for life. I ask that they get the miracle they wish for, like the star they wished on last night.

7. I ask for each person every day to have a reason to smile. I ask for every difficult step each person has to take, that they are rewarded a beautiful mile. I ask that each person is grateful for the people they hold close.  And that nobody fails to express their love to the ones they do the most.

8. I ask for rainbows after rainstorms, the economy to rise, and the unemployment rate to decline. I ask for people who are seeking change, to be able to mutter to themselves, “I’m trying.”

9. I ask for people to believe again, to believe in something bigger than our selves. I ask for people to remain faithful, and not put their hopes up on the shelves. I ask that people can believe in miracles, that people can know there is more than this, like the Christmas Eve’s I lie awake, hoping someone would grant my wish.

10.I ask for people to remember that this holiday is not to be about self. This holiday is about magic, about love between others and cures to sickened health. This holiday is meant for people to pay attention to one another, not pay for a brand new toy. Christmas is a time to feel loved and to embrace every little joy. Finally Santa, I ask for people to read this and at the end, think to themselves and wish. “Christmas is not about presents or good food, it’s about writing your own grown up Christmas list.”


I wish you a merry Christmas and a wishful new year.
Nicole Kendall, 2011

If you're sick of being so kind...

i turn my cheek and i bite my tongue, i don't hang the picture because the picture is already hung. i don't talk back when you minimize me and cuss, why would i be a fool when you're a big enough for the both of us? you make a scene, and i make a run for the door, i stay silent in hopes you won't do it anymore. you treat me like your slave, i bow to you, your highness, and you can kill me with your words but i can kill you with my kindness. see i don't have to retaliate to make my place known, me biting my tongue is proof enough on it's own. some may say it's sad how i make myself your doormat, but in my opinion, i am far from that. see, look at me, i can prove a point with my two lips pressed together, so the unspoken words can get back to me the day after never.

If you don't believe them when they say you are beautiful...

you lean over and tell me you love me, only i cannot believe, you tell me my mirror must be broken because it is distorted what i see. you tell me i am perfect and right there i call your bluff, how can i have it all when i don't even have enough? your words are so amusing, they honestly make me laugh, you ask for my heart but i hesitate because all i have left is half. i can't love you to capacity because capacity is far too vast, so please do not rush me, i'm not ready to go this fast. people come in and out of my life at a speed too fast to keep, so don't blame me for holding back because you don't want to see me deep. you tell me again i'm beautiful, i cry because i can, i wish i could see myself the way you say i am. i'd love to love myself, i'd love to be okay, i'd love to take my insecurities - like my lunch - and throw them away. i try to think i'm beautiful, but yet, here i remain myself, words are hidden, insecurities are formed and my thoughts are on a shelf.